Sideline Screamers, Frontline Whisperers

By Shaun Marq Anderson

We've all heard the famous song by the O'jays, "They smile in your face; all the time they wanna take your place...!" Of course you know the rest of the song! But why do people do this? Why do they feel they must tear you down, to build themselves up? Well, if Christ had to deal with it, then I certainly don't have an answer for you! But, what I do know is that those particular type of people are as soft as cotton balls and are as harmless as a tickle!

You see, this society likes to scream that "s/he is a hater!" But to me, the word hater is too cliché, too overly used. Why? Because everyone is not a hater. There are some people who legitimately care for us and are willing to tell us the truth about ourselves even though we may not like it. No, those are not haters, they are concerned friends.

But, there are people who are in this world that mean to do you harm!

I like to call these people: Sideline Screamers, Frontline Whisperers (SSFW). You see, these people want to be you so badly that they would insist upon creating lies, diversions, rumors, and scare tactics in order to stop you from reaching your destiny. It's a shame the things that they do behind closed vs. in your face!

They are the ones who hide behind their Facebook statuses, spewing garbage about how hard, tough, thugged out, or gwapped up (means: they have money) they are. These people have never been anywhere, never seen anything besides their hometowns, and are too afraid to leave mommy and daddy's crib. So, they would rather tear down your success instead celebrating your progress!

They would rather destroy your dreams in order for you to live their nightmares. They swear that they know everything about you even though they are not around you 24/7! But can still tell people when you wake up, when you rummage the fridge, and even when you take your early morning dump! Too much information? Probably, but you get the point!

They stay lurking on every post you update on your Facebook status just to try to catch you in a lie! They get mad at you over the simplest of things just because they are really mad at something else! But like a typical SSFW tendency, they will never tell you the issue that they have with you, they will just continue to sit on the Sideline Screaming while being a Frontline Whisperer.

Often times, the SSFW people are people who grew up with you, family, or are people you've worked with for years. They are so angry that they are stuck in their miserable lives and are truly comfortable when you remain in the misery with them! Must I mention the old saying about misery? No! Because I think you and I have heard it a million times! But it does ring true more often than not!

Once you start climbing out of the misery pit and into the promised land of your life, the gnash their teeth and spit fire from their mouth! But you will never hear them say it! Why? Because they have a Ph.D. in Cowardly! They will forever remain on the Sidelines of life, Screaming about how they are so much better than you are, how you think you are better than somebody, or "I remember when Shaun was a nobody" stories!

But fear not! They will never bust a grape! In fact, mice squeak louder than Frontline Whisperers! Let them talk, let them envy you, let them try to bluff you into fear, and let them continue wish that they were you because, truthfully, they are not you and will never be! As long they avoid change, they will continue to remain on the Sideline making a dent on the bench, watching you become a superstar, and Screaming to the referee about how life is unfair! Enjoy your life, let the Sidelines murmur, and live your dreams to the fullest! So Speaks Shaun Marq! Love you much!

LIFE

We were born into it. We live it. We breathe it. Heck even K-Ci and JoJo sang a song about it! Life! What is the meaning of it? Why were we created? Why? Why? Why? Why? Well, don't ask me!! All I know is that it is here to stay until the Good Lord brings about the Rapture! Since we know this, here is my synopsis on LIFE!

There are the haves and have not's, the princes and the paupers, the decadence and the doldrums, the rich and the rest of us; the list goes on and on! These powers have been fighting against one another in a social tug-of-war for centuries. The rich wish to remain so and the poor wish to climb out of their respective gutters.

 This is the tone of society.

Ancient Rome was a powerhouse. Led by a militaristic style known by no other force in that time, Julius Caesar was 50 years old when he took over the empire. He, along with the likes of Alexander the Great and Genghis Kahn, represented what life (by human definition) was supposed to be about: The overall domination of the world by one single entity!!

But alas, these empires fell and thus we have had numerous countries fighting for world power ever since. So here we are. The current world power is the "melting pot" of the world: The United States of America. The world follows the U.S.'s lead when it comes to the ebb and flow of life. So what does it mean to live LIFE in today's world. Hmmmmm....

Well, it means building your country off of the backs of others and, once prosperous, shun those who essentially built it for you. LIFE today means making sex tapes and then calling yourself "a business mogul!" (Really!! Like for Real!! A business mogul?? OK!). Life today means wearing nerd glasses and suspenders when just 10 years ago kids were killing those who wore nerd glasses and suspenders!

Yep, ISH JUST GOT REAL!!!

LIFE today means instead of confronting the person who wronged you, you'll just post a subliminal message on your social media page hoping that the person sees it. This is just so you can say, "I wasn't talking about you!" LIFE today means, "I'll just call you a hater just because I have no plausible argument!" LIFE today is full of LOL, FML, POTUS, SCOTUS, etc. without having a GED, BA, MA, or PHD. Think on it a minute!

LIFE today is being a political pundit from your couch. LIFE today is saying, I just bought my Coach purse" while sleeping on the Couch! LIFE today means, "I'm going to buy a Chrysler 300 just so I can know what it means to ride in a Bentley!" LIFE today means that black account for billions in consumer power each and every year, but is less than 1% involved in any type of business ownership. Yikes!

LIFE today means that is part racism/part excuses. LIFE today means half lie/half truths. LIFE today means conqueror vs. conquered. LIFE today means food stamp needers vs. food stamp bleeders. LIFE today means Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! But no one wants to Workie! Workie! Workie! Yea, I just made it up!

LIFE today means getting Botox every other day but claiming, "I age gracefully!" LIFE today means I must go broke in order to follow latest Hollywood trends. LIFE today means video vixens writing tell all books. LIFE today means real women not having a chance against "Kardashian look-a-likes!" Yep, I just made a Kardashian reference!

Moreover, LIFE can be good, LIFE can be bad, and LIFE can be somewhere in the middle. It is, of course, what we make of it that determines how we live it! LIFE can be grand if only you speak it to be! God spoke everything into existence right? We were made in his image right? Then let's use our God-given voice to speak positivity into LIFE!

Remember, don't fall into the hype of this YOLO garbage! You live every day, but you only die once! Live LIFE to the fullest, enjoy it, learn from it, breathe it, cherish it! So Speaks Shaun Marq!!

SCREAM FOR US: Why aren't WE getting any attention??

For many months now, we have been seeing tragic events that have left many in this country wondering "what else could go wrong??" From the "Midnight Movie Massacre" to the "Sandy Hook Rampage" to the "Boston Marathon Bombing", we have seen tragedies that have left many in awe. But there are other tragedies that are going on in this country: tragedies leaving many victims and their families asking "Why don't they SCREAM FOR US?"

Racism, political demagogues, violent crimes, and political correctness have been an unfortunate part of U.S. history for centuries. But while we cry foul for some, others are being overlooked. The Trayvon Martin case, for example, had black America fuming and white America shrugging. His trial is still going on posthumously and who knows how long it will take to end! "Why don't they SCREAM FOR US?"

During, the movie shooting in Aurora, CO, the suspect was declared "mentally ill" and has enjoyed a very "under broadcasted" hearing. But race baiting, back stabbing, and back biting riddle the air waves for the Trayvon Martin epidemic. This country's ugly racism side reared it's Beetlejuice head! Is this a post-racist society? "Why don't they SCREAM FOR US?"

There is a war zone going on in the streets of Chicago and other predominantly black or minority neighborhoods in this country but no one cries foul, no one brings in FBI agents, no one declares that WE as minorities are in a crises. However, The Boston Marathon Bombers were investigated, identified, and captured (one killed) in what seems to have been all in less than a week! Are we not that important? "Why don't they SCREAM FOR US?"

Since the drug epidemic hit mostly black neighborhoods in the 80's, there has been a lack of response by the government to eradicate the ills of the people. We (blacks) are considered violent, illiterate, and inundated with fatherless homes. But I wonder what has caused us to have such bad raps? It couldn't have been the years of slavery, segregation, and ill treatment right? Noooooo, it couldn't have been? (Sarcasm at its finest by the way)

We are so-called violent, uneducated, and untamed because of the mental and physical abuse our forefathers have been going through since the 17th century and at no point has anyone SCREAMED FOR US like many others have been screamed for. But, many say slavery is over.

Yea, they physical part is...

But what about the mental? This generation may not have picked cotton, rode on the back of the bus, or even been sprayed with water hoses. But, we have to deal with the inferior conditioning that our parents are still coping with (if they even are coping!) We (The Millennial generation) are the ones who are becoming "the firsts" in our family to achieve major accomplishments. We are the ones who taking the torch and breaking down even more barriers than our civil rights leaders have torn down. Those leaders fought and died for us to be able to drink clean water. But they will still probably shake their heads at the blatant overlooking of the minority well being of today. "Why don't they SCREAM FOR US?"

Our children are being murdered every day, yet the world turns the other cheek. Our children are committing suicide and some in the world are saying, "good riddance!" Our unemployment rate is still at an all-time height, but the world says, "stop being lazy and look for a job!" We are being wiped out in record number as black-on-black crime in major/small cities is increasing! Many say that Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton are just ragamuffins are looking out only for themselves. This may be true or not, but without them: "Who will SCREAM FOR US?"

The Point of It All: Our Ancestors Thoughts

Over the last few months, I have read books and essays on ground breaking leaders in the African-American community. Champions such as Booker T. Washington, W.E.B. Dubois, and Benjamin E. Mays (who's autobiography I have on my reading list) gave our generation the platform that it stands on today. But, somewhere, we have dropped the ball. Somewhere, we have lost our roots. Somewhere, we have disappointed these great revolutionaries. Therefore, let's take a look into the thoughts of some of our forefathers and see what they think about us today!

Booker T. Washington
I remember living in the slave house watching my mother cower down over her masters duties. Even as a light skinned fella, I will still treated second class. My siblings and I felt we should somehow change our circumstances, somehow become better than our current situation. We survived cold, harsh winters and hot, humid summers during our times on the plantation. But still, I never gave up. I knew I was destined for greatness.

As I became older, I set out on a journey to become a leader, a servant to others, and a champion for my people! I walked from my hometown and traveled by train with only the clothes on my back to Hampton University to begin a journey that would change my life forever. From there, despite my hardships, I was asked to help young minority students and Native American students alike to a better education.

I went on to found Tuskegee University and blazed a trail for young students to follow. But you, your generation, you have disappointed me. I worked so hard to establish a door for you to walk through and although many of you have walked through the door, many of you have not. Now, I'm not trying to put you down new generation, but I want you to do and be better. Education is the cornerstone to success and hard work is its foundation. Use what I left you as resource, not a playground.

I'm tired of you not taking advantage of the years of servitude I put into making you a success. Be the strong, brave, intelligent, non-conforming people you were born to be. Pick back up the torch and press on! Don't use your gifts for malice, deceit, or tomfoolery. Be the kings and queens you were born to be!

W.E.B. Dubois
I lived over 90 years on this Earth and I was able to establish world renowned programs that have served for racial and socioeconomic equality for well over a century. My times in the 19th century were marred with slavery, segregation, and inferiority. Yet, I managed to receive my Ph.D. from Harvard University and became a ground breaking leader in sociology.

I went on to become a professor of history and sociology at Atlanta University. Also, I co-founded an organization dedicated to championing the equality and freedoms of colored people. My organization, The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, opened doors once thought to be locked away forever.

Nowadays, I see more and more people making strides in things that I was still unable to accomplish during my time on Earth. However, I see many things that hurt me deeply. Instead of teaching our young men and women to be responsible citizens, we have subjected ourselves to buffoonery, tomfoolery, and lollygagging.

Instead of accepting life with class and dignity, you have accepted the life of video vixens, gold chains, and expensive cars. Then you wonder why you are broke after a few year of success. I didn't go through all of the things I went through to advance you only to find us regressing. Man up, take the mantle and rise again new generation!

Madame C.J. Walker
I was born 2 years after the Civil War, when black folk were supposedly set free. What many won't tell you is that even though President Lincoln set out to "free" us, he still considered us second class citizens and ultimately wanted to ship black people to their own separate island, away from white America.

Growing up in a family of sharecroppers, I new that I wanted to become someone great. I knew that the essence of women could be enhanced a little. I set out to help the beauty and essence of black America, but what came along with it blew my mind. It all began when I came up with an idea to help detangle our hair.

The hot comb, along with other products, opened a gigantic door for me and the grooming of African American people. By 1914, I became a millionaire through my manufacturing company, breaking down barriers (both gender and racial)! I let my daughter manage the company once she graduated from college and hoped that it would further advance the essence of our beautiful women.

But alas, I am heartbroken. Today, I see butt-shaking, penis hopping, wild-acting women who create an even more nerve racking experience than someone scratching their nails against a blackboard. Why must I see my young, beautiful queens subject themselves to such filth and trash. Be the young beautiful, wholesome queen you were meant to be. Leave the tissue in the toilet and flush it! Be strong, be vigilant, be leaders, and be you! I love you my dear sweet sisters. Grow up and forth!

I hope that his charge from our prominent ancestors has caused us to rethink our daily motives, retool our thinking, and rehash our dreams of success and growth! We are leaders, kings and queens, who have ancestors that have proven that excuses are overrated. Get up! Do Better! Wake up!! So Speaks Shaun Marq!!

Remember Back In The Day When...

As a grown person in this hustle and bustle society, we often sit back and reflect on times that were much simpler. Days when you had no bills, no relationship drama, no problems, just a life where you were free to do what you please! So as an ode to Ahmad's-Back in the Day song, Here is a list of the things I'm sure you did back in the day!! Enjoy!! Do you Remember Back In The Day When...

• You made it home from elementary school and watched cartoons (i.e. Duck Tales, Tale Spin, Darkwing Duck, Rescue Rangers, Gummi Bears, Gargoyles, etc.)
• You went with your parents to the grocery store on Saturday mornings and ate the food samples old ladies were giving out.
• You used to walk to the corner store after school to by a sprite and a snickers for 50 cents each.
• You thought the coolest thing in the world were your pair of British Knights or LA Gears
• When you bought that bottle of Stay-Flo for those "Stand-Up" Jean creases.
• When at 16, you told your mama you couldn't wait to move out because she got on your nerves.
• And then at 25 when you asked could you move back home.
• You watched "Channel One" news in the beginning of your first period class with Lisa Ling.
• You played tetherball at recess
• You saw girls putting a peppermint in the pickle they were eating
• Spankings were allowed in school
• You woke up on Saturday mornings and watched the Saturday morning cartoon line up
• You watched your uncle drink beer and tell lies while BBQ'ing at your family reunion.
• You actually had something to do and places to go after school.
• The mall actually was fun to visit.
• Hanging at the skating rink was the IN thing to do!
• You would give away the orange and yellow Starburst only.
• You let your girl wear your letterman jacket.
• School rivalries didn't end up in someone getting killed.
• There was always someone in school looking the light skinned dude from Bone Thug-N-Harmony.
• You where like, "Man it's going to take a long time for me to turn 30"
• You tried to pull a fast one over on your parents and you thought it worked.
• You thought you were doing something when you drove to taco bell for lunch during high school.
• Your mama said, "By the time you're 21, you're not going to be interested in what you used to be interested in.
• You actually had fun playing Scrabble, Uno, Monopoly, etc.
• You got your first summer job.
• You got your first kiss.
• You got your first girl/boyfriend.
• You had your first breakup.
• You had your first makeup.
• You got your first Walkman
• You bought cassette tape and when you dubbed it, the dubbed copy sounded funny.
• You could actually walk home from school without thinking you're going to get snatched.
• You and your family actually sat home and watched the TGIF line-up on ABC.
• You got away with that lie for a very long time until you slipped up and told on yourself.
• You had "firecracker" wars in the hood.
• You got that butt whooping surprise by your parents when you were sleep in the bed!
• Your grandparents made you help them "shuck" peas.
• You snuck to a house party even though you were told no.
• You thought you was clean on the first day of school.
• You had that one teacher who cared about your future.
• Your "dare to be different" moment was smoke a cigarette.
• You thought Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston would live forever!
• You bought those Jordan's and couldn't wait until the next day to purchase them. So you went to the mall on your lunch break, bought them, and wore them on the second half of the school day.
• You got that girl/boyfriend from your rival school.
• You were asked where is your girlfriend and you said, "She lives out of town..."
• Blackplanet was your Facebook!
• "For Pine Bluff kids" you were told NEVER to go into White Hall!!
• You rented videos from walk-in stores called Blockbuster or Hollywood Video!!
• You gossiped about which teacher was hooking up with who!!
• You partied hard at your prom!!
• You thought you were the stuff when you hung out on the yard (your hometown college)!!
• You had water balloon fights at the park!
• You jammed to Soul For Real's Candy Rain.
• You tried to see when your parents went to work so you could sneak someone over.
• You were slapped for back talking.
• You joned someone by calling them a gremlin!!
• You tried to be funny by saying the ebonic slang "edumacation"!
• You played pencil pop.
• You made paper poppers.
• You got that note from that girl that was folded up 7 or 8 different ways with the multi-colored, multi-cursive writings!!
• You went on a field trip to one of the following places: the zoo, the museum, the train station, or the fire department!
• and finally You thought that you would never get older!!!!

Hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane because I surely have!! So Speaks Shaun Marq!! Take Care!!

Ethnic Values: Consumerism

Why do we become upset when foreigners (i.e. Asians, Middle Easterners) come to this country, develop a business need, and explode in wealth? They only observe the consumer values of this country, and in turn, feed the need! 

Black people offer billions in consumer value, but a small percentage in wealth creation. But we laugh at the gas station owners, lawn service workers, janitor workers, and restaurant owners who represent different ethnicity's.

When I was homeless and sleeping in either my car or a Motel 6 a couple of years ago, I received a great revelation. One day when I was seeking an extension on my room, a group of black guys (maybe mid 20's) began mocking the Pakistani desk clerk of the motel I was staying in; flashing their money and telling the clerk that he wishes he had money like them and began mocking his accent.

So as they went to check into their rooms, I asked him, "How much did it cost to purchase this motel?" He said, "Around 3 million dollars! Why?" I told him I just wanted to understand the elements of his business. He looked at me strangely for a second and said, "I don't want to sound offensive but can I say something to you?" I said, "Sure!"

He went on to say how he felt I was actually going to mock him like the previous black males did and that he was initially going to refuse me service. But, by me simply asking him a question about his lucrative business, he seemed to open and share some things with me; which blew my mind.

He said that the Motel 6 was not actually his but it was his fathers. Now all of this time, I saw an older Pakistani man sitting in the lobby, holding his cane, and reading a Home & Gardens magazine. Much to my naivety, he was the actual owner of the joint! The desk clerk, who I assumed was in his late 30's/early 40's was his son! He explained to me where they immigrated from with just a few dollars to their name when he was a young lad. The rest of the story ceases to amaze me:

"We came over when I was around 4, my father served in the military for years and was just wanting a change in scenery. He saw from previous visits to the United States how the country was prime opportunity to develop big business. My dad always had the entrepreneurial spirit and felt that in the U.S., he could establish his business to fit the needs of the consumer. So, with a dollar and a dream, we moved to the United States, went through the proper immigration requirements, and settled in Dallas, TX. My dad noticed that many people who toured, vacationed, or partied in this city, usually wanted to stay in the Uptown area. So, he came up with an idea of franchising with a motel chain, in order to provide great rooms at inexpensive prices. He worked various odds and ends jobs to established capital for 3 years, invested in a Motel 6, converted in into a Studio 6, replaced the cheap mattresses with Tempur-Pedics, and began his first bit of advertising. His initial investment was $50,000! Within 2 years, he was able to receive the eventual $2.87 million dollars to expand the Motel 6 and take it through its expansion. Within 7 years, my dad was a millionaire! However, we still saved money by sleeping in the actual rooms of the Studio 6 until we could bring most of our family over from Pakistan. Once lived in the rooms for two years, we brought the rest of our family over, taught them how to run these franchises, and began expanding our business into the surrounding suburbs of Dallas. Within 20 years, We own and operate 11 Motel 6/Studio 6 franchises in the Greater DFW. So while those young black men said that I wished that I had money like them, it would've blown their mind that I could pay for their and their great grand children's college tuition without putting a dent into my wallet. I don't understand the concept of Americans. You have this great platform to create for yourselves, but you waste your money on clothes, women, and booze! Those young brats that came in before you saw me working behind this desk and just assumed that I was broke! Here's your first lesson for being a millionaire Shaun: Real wealthy people have no problem letting people believe that they are not wealthy! Only small minds need to show off..."

I sat there for two more hours just listening to him and his father speak of their hard work and dedication to their generational wealth mindset. His father, who was around 70, was grooming his son to take over the business. He explained to me that he was full of life and had the energy to run the business for another twenty years, but wanted to dedicate this time to be with his grandchildren, travel, and to give his son the opportunity to grow as an entrepreneur!

In the famous words of Spike Lee, we need to WAKE UP! We have the talents to be successful with anything our imagination opens up to. Let's stop trying to be #1 Stunnas and let's start creating generational wealth! So Speaks Shaun Marq! Love you!

Why Men Cheat: The Breakdown

It has been asked time and time again: "Why did you cheat on me?" It is usually finished off by this statement, "If you wanted to cheat, you should have just broken up with me!" While the latter statement is true, it is not usually the first thought that pops in a man's mind regarding resolving relationship issues. Therefore, I have put together a list of reasons why men develop the "wandering eye" and step out on you with women who are seemingly beneath your level:

1. Because We Never Had This Attention Before: Simple enough right? Well let me break this down. Men love attention. Quite possibly, they love it more than women do! Therefore, any sort of attention is golden. When this attention (from other women) is brought our way, we develop this "I better take it all in because I don't want to lose it" mentality. You see, this may stem from years of not being "the guy" women want. So once this attention comes about years later, these men feel like they are receiving what they missed out on! Not a good excuse for cheating, but this is how some guys think.
2. We Feel That You Don't Have Our Backs: Yep! There go those emotional nuances again! Most men have big dreams, big ideas,  and high aspirations. So when we bring those thoughts to our woman, we expect her to be all for it, especially if the idea has been well crafted and thought out. Prime example, on the TV series, The Game, Derwin only started to become enamored with Drew Sidora because she believed in his dream, while his girlfriend, Melanie, seemed crude and condescending. Melanie may have believed in his dream, but she didn't relay it to him properly, thus making him feel vulnerable and lonely. Drew made him feel like a king on top of the world and it instantly sent him over the edge. Again, not an excuse for men to cheat, but that is the mindset of a man.
3. Because of Our Deep Insecurities: Society, has fashioned men to be emotionless creatures. So men, who really are very emotional, tend to hold on to their emotions even though it kills them on the inside. Children generally become cognitive of their environment around the age of 5. So imagine a 30 year old man trying to finally explain his emotions: He would be running 25-year old emotions across your mind frame! Moreover, this make men fickle and erratic. Their insecurities, then, are not shared. That's why the first little honey that boosts his ego, gets his full attention; whether she is on your level or not! These insecurities can be triggered by my next explanation!
4. Trust (Men) vs. Trust (Women): I was listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes on the Steve Harvey Show, on yesterday (May 1), and he was talking about marriage and relationships. What was mentioned is that a woman's trust hinges on infidelity whereas a man's trust hinges on his emotions. Moreover, women generally want loyalty. They want to make sure that if you date them, that you strictly stick with them. A man's trust, however, hinges on emotions. They trust a woman with their most intimate secrets. The problem, then, is that sometimes women will throw up those intimate secrets in the middle of an argument. This then makes the man regret that he ever opened his mouth and it essentially starts his need for an outlet (i.e. the other woman). "Why didn't he just tell me that?" That's generally the next question but the man feels that if you talked bad about his most intimate secrets in the heat of battle, then why should he tell you that he has an issue with you? Crazy? Maybe! Should it be condoned? No! Do I understand though? Yes! Men are complicated too!
5. Stop Telling Us That You Get It When We Clearly Feel That You Don't: Ok! Let's get it in with this one! When explaining ourselves, letting our guard down, etc. we can become extremely repetitive. Here is the problem ladies: When we start to become repetitive, you will make us even more closed off if you say things like, "OMG you're getting on my nerves, why can't you let that go??" This is a no-no ladies! Because if you continue saying words like this, it will have him searching for someone who is actually willing to listen! If you see that he continues to linger on a particular issue, ask him, "Baby, you are superb person and I really want to help you, but what do you believe causes this issue for you?" He may initially resist, but will come back to you later that day and spills his guts out if he feels that you are willing to listen without judging his thoughts! This will keep him from going to find the other outlet (i.e. the other woman).
6. He's No Longer The Provider: He lost his job, his car, and his apartment/home. He moves back with his mother and the depression begins. Men are natural providers and (most) men want to be able to not only provide for themselves, but to provide for his spouse/children. When you take away his tools to provide, he becomes aloof, standoff-ish, a nagger, and a complainer. The "woe-as-me, the world is not fair" lingo begins and they are desperately in need of a supportive hand. But when men don't feel the support, they go out like a lion on the hunt to find it! This is typically the good man who really wants to be there but can't handle someone "taking care of him." This would especially be an issue if he feels that his woman wouldn't be supportive. Once he feels that threat of non-support, the other woman would have found her next prey! Reassure him that he is doing the best that he can and do NOT let family/friends in on your relationship issues. Speaking of which...
7. The F words: The F words have been a detriment to many-a-relationships. Yes Family/Friends absolutely has NO business in your relationship, whether you guys are in a stormy situation or not. Family/Friends can be jealous, spiteful, cruel, selfish, and down right miserable: prime ingredients to ruin relationships. Absolutely under NO circumstances is family/friends to become involved in your relationship unless there are certain reasons to become involved (i.e. physical/mental abuse, cheating, etc.). But if a man feels insulted by your family/friends and he feels that you didn't defend him, he will go on the prowl to find someone who will (i.e. the other woman). Again, no excuses, this is just our reasoning. KEEP THOSE F WORDS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!
8. Because We Can: Sounds callous, cruel, and plain ole arrogant right? Well it is! But here is the reasoning! Again, men are fashioned, by society's standards, to be players if they sleep with many women. However, when are classified as "hoes, jump-offs, bust down, freaks, willing participants, bad b&#ches, etc." if they are known to have many male suitors! So here is the deal. Most guys really don't want to cheat! "Wait, Shaun?? Chile what you talm bout??" I know, I know! Startled you didn't it? But men really don't want to, but men still live by the peer pressure code: they don't want to get dogged out by their boys for turning down any woman who gives them attention. So in order to fit in , we just go for the other woman just to fit in to some stupid society mantra. It is not right by any means, but men are ego hungry. We enjoy the stimulation. *BONUS* No matter how saved or in sin the fellow is, sex still runs across the man's mind. He just has to make a choice: Go for the other woman and lose a good thing or pray/work those negative thoughts off and keep your good thing going. The latter is the best choice of course!

Hopefully these tidbits have helped you understand the conundrum that is the male being. This is not a cure for all, but more so giving you an understanding of why men do what they do. Many feel that men lack care, but in reality they care a lot, it just has to be brought out of them. The emotions of a woman are like clay: it can be molded, flexible, and easy for the potter shape it the way they want. However, men's emotions are like rocks that the sculptor uses: you have to keep chipping away at it in order for that beautiful soul to be revealed. Stay strong, forgive him if he's worth it, and let him go if he's not! So speaks Shaun Marq! Have a great day! Love you!