Why Men Cheat: The Breakdown

It has been asked time and time again: "Why did you cheat on me?" It is usually finished off by this statement, "If you wanted to cheat, you should have just broken up with me!" While the latter statement is true, it is not usually the first thought that pops in a man's mind regarding resolving relationship issues. Therefore, I have put together a list of reasons why men develop the "wandering eye" and step out on you with women who are seemingly beneath your level:

1. Because We Never Had This Attention Before: Simple enough right? Well let me break this down. Men love attention. Quite possibly, they love it more than women do! Therefore, any sort of attention is golden. When this attention (from other women) is brought our way, we develop this "I better take it all in because I don't want to lose it" mentality. You see, this may stem from years of not being "the guy" women want. So once this attention comes about years later, these men feel like they are receiving what they missed out on! Not a good excuse for cheating, but this is how some guys think.
2. We Feel That You Don't Have Our Backs: Yep! There go those emotional nuances again! Most men have big dreams, big ideas,  and high aspirations. So when we bring those thoughts to our woman, we expect her to be all for it, especially if the idea has been well crafted and thought out. Prime example, on the TV series, The Game, Derwin only started to become enamored with Drew Sidora because she believed in his dream, while his girlfriend, Melanie, seemed crude and condescending. Melanie may have believed in his dream, but she didn't relay it to him properly, thus making him feel vulnerable and lonely. Drew made him feel like a king on top of the world and it instantly sent him over the edge. Again, not an excuse for men to cheat, but that is the mindset of a man.
3. Because of Our Deep Insecurities: Society, has fashioned men to be emotionless creatures. So men, who really are very emotional, tend to hold on to their emotions even though it kills them on the inside. Children generally become cognitive of their environment around the age of 5. So imagine a 30 year old man trying to finally explain his emotions: He would be running 25-year old emotions across your mind frame! Moreover, this make men fickle and erratic. Their insecurities, then, are not shared. That's why the first little honey that boosts his ego, gets his full attention; whether she is on your level or not! These insecurities can be triggered by my next explanation!
4. Trust (Men) vs. Trust (Women): I was listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes on the Steve Harvey Show, on yesterday (May 1), and he was talking about marriage and relationships. What was mentioned is that a woman's trust hinges on infidelity whereas a man's trust hinges on his emotions. Moreover, women generally want loyalty. They want to make sure that if you date them, that you strictly stick with them. A man's trust, however, hinges on emotions. They trust a woman with their most intimate secrets. The problem, then, is that sometimes women will throw up those intimate secrets in the middle of an argument. This then makes the man regret that he ever opened his mouth and it essentially starts his need for an outlet (i.e. the other woman). "Why didn't he just tell me that?" That's generally the next question but the man feels that if you talked bad about his most intimate secrets in the heat of battle, then why should he tell you that he has an issue with you? Crazy? Maybe! Should it be condoned? No! Do I understand though? Yes! Men are complicated too!
5. Stop Telling Us That You Get It When We Clearly Feel That You Don't: Ok! Let's get it in with this one! When explaining ourselves, letting our guard down, etc. we can become extremely repetitive. Here is the problem ladies: When we start to become repetitive, you will make us even more closed off if you say things like, "OMG you're getting on my nerves, why can't you let that go??" This is a no-no ladies! Because if you continue saying words like this, it will have him searching for someone who is actually willing to listen! If you see that he continues to linger on a particular issue, ask him, "Baby, you are superb person and I really want to help you, but what do you believe causes this issue for you?" He may initially resist, but will come back to you later that day and spills his guts out if he feels that you are willing to listen without judging his thoughts! This will keep him from going to find the other outlet (i.e. the other woman).
6. He's No Longer The Provider: He lost his job, his car, and his apartment/home. He moves back with his mother and the depression begins. Men are natural providers and (most) men want to be able to not only provide for themselves, but to provide for his spouse/children. When you take away his tools to provide, he becomes aloof, standoff-ish, a nagger, and a complainer. The "woe-as-me, the world is not fair" lingo begins and they are desperately in need of a supportive hand. But when men don't feel the support, they go out like a lion on the hunt to find it! This is typically the good man who really wants to be there but can't handle someone "taking care of him." This would especially be an issue if he feels that his woman wouldn't be supportive. Once he feels that threat of non-support, the other woman would have found her next prey! Reassure him that he is doing the best that he can and do NOT let family/friends in on your relationship issues. Speaking of which...
7. The F words: The F words have been a detriment to many-a-relationships. Yes Family/Friends absolutely has NO business in your relationship, whether you guys are in a stormy situation or not. Family/Friends can be jealous, spiteful, cruel, selfish, and down right miserable: prime ingredients to ruin relationships. Absolutely under NO circumstances is family/friends to become involved in your relationship unless there are certain reasons to become involved (i.e. physical/mental abuse, cheating, etc.). But if a man feels insulted by your family/friends and he feels that you didn't defend him, he will go on the prowl to find someone who will (i.e. the other woman). Again, no excuses, this is just our reasoning. KEEP THOSE F WORDS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!
8. Because We Can: Sounds callous, cruel, and plain ole arrogant right? Well it is! But here is the reasoning! Again, men are fashioned, by society's standards, to be players if they sleep with many women. However, when are classified as "hoes, jump-offs, bust down, freaks, willing participants, bad b&#ches, etc." if they are known to have many male suitors! So here is the deal. Most guys really don't want to cheat! "Wait, Shaun?? Chile what you talm bout??" I know, I know! Startled you didn't it? But men really don't want to, but men still live by the peer pressure code: they don't want to get dogged out by their boys for turning down any woman who gives them attention. So in order to fit in , we just go for the other woman just to fit in to some stupid society mantra. It is not right by any means, but men are ego hungry. We enjoy the stimulation. *BONUS* No matter how saved or in sin the fellow is, sex still runs across the man's mind. He just has to make a choice: Go for the other woman and lose a good thing or pray/work those negative thoughts off and keep your good thing going. The latter is the best choice of course!

Hopefully these tidbits have helped you understand the conundrum that is the male being. This is not a cure for all, but more so giving you an understanding of why men do what they do. Many feel that men lack care, but in reality they care a lot, it just has to be brought out of them. The emotions of a woman are like clay: it can be molded, flexible, and easy for the potter shape it the way they want. However, men's emotions are like rocks that the sculptor uses: you have to keep chipping away at it in order for that beautiful soul to be revealed. Stay strong, forgive him if he's worth it, and let him go if he's not! So speaks Shaun Marq! Have a great day! Love you!